Why did I only have eHarmony and RSVP back in the day and she’s got Tinder and Plenty of Fish?

Yes, I’ll admit it, a part of me is living through my single friend. I’m swiping left and right on her phone and picking the fake profiles, pretending it’s me a couple of years ago when that little black dress would turn heads in the club and drinks would be flowing like my dad’s hair back in the 70s.

I had gotten off the phone to my friend Aurora who is 41, oops sorry, she reminds everyone on her birthday ‘It’s my 20th anniversary of turning 21’. Sorry Aurora, grow up, you’re 41!

Anyhoo, where was I, oh yes, Aurora. On the phone chatting about the usual topics ‘who would we want to be stuck on a deserted island with Jason Taumalolo or Jason Mamoa or San Churros vs Max Brenner.

You might think our conversations are crazy, but when you work in the sector we work in, it’s nice to have these silly conversations and ‘what if’ scenarios……..Jason Taumololo hit me up! Wait, I have a husband.

Aurora giggled on the phone, it felt like someone had pressed the love heart eyes emoji too many times for my liking. She had gotten off the phone after organising another date with a person she was matched with on Plenty of Fish also known as POF. This was Aurora’s 4th date (that I know of) and she was excited because that meant free dinner and drinks.

Now if you’ve been living under a rock (no, I said a rock, not the movie star The Rock) then I forgive you for not knowing about multiple dating sites that are used for casual flings or serious relationships. Did I have a profile on dating sites? yes, I did. 

It was a lonely night about 7 years ago and after many glasses/bottles of wine, I decided to get back into the dating game. I was sitting at home watching TV when an Ad showed happy couples that had met on eHarmony. They looked happy, met online, got to know each other and the rest is history. That was all I needed, off I went signing up to eHarmony with my wine goggles on entering my likes and dislikes, about me, hobbies and interests, where I live, my goals and aspirations and my credit card details. It was hard work, all this to be matched with my soul mate. I logged on every day and was given a couple of profiles but they lived in another Country or in another State or Territory. 

After a couple of months and no success, I decided to join RSVP and get all the kisses I could get. I copy and pasted my information from eHarmony into my RSVP profile and waited for matches. It was a success, I received kisses from people that said they liked my profile. I got so excited that I clicked away wanting to know more, but then up popped an alert that said something like this ‘if you want to see this profile further, you need to purchase the premium package’. Damn you RSVP, I had 3 matches.

It was so much effort and I had taken the best damn pictures of my sexy self and even had my turtle neck to the high heavens with the smoky eye shadow look. My friends invited me out numerous times to hit the clubs and it was Aurora always tell me ‘clubbing is the best way to pick up someone’ or the classic ‘the best way to get over a person is to get on or under a new one’ eww, whatever that means. (I know what it means, but I consider myself mature now and would not high five and tequila shot as I did back then with Aurora).

I think I was on those dating sites for a total of 15 months. I better check if I deactivated my Yahoo email otherwise I’m still receiving notifications and breaking hearts for not responding. Oh no, what if one of those matches was Jason Taumololo, wait, he was probably in high school 7 years ago – moving along.

Now back to Aurora and how she signed up to her dating sites. I was over at her place the day she mentioned the popular dating site Tinder where you swipe left or right and if a person likes you, you match and can message. It was that easy AND she gets to see how many kilometers they live from her…..ARE YOU KIDDING ME? It’s 2am and I’m horny – SWIPE – oh look, Billy Bobhead lives in the unit next to me wanting to creep and BOOM BANG BING, Billy Bobhead’s your uncle.

Now Plenty of Fish or known in our circle of friends as ‘POFFY’ is another example of a quick match up. Aurora signed up, entered her details and the next thing you know she’s travelling to Bega for a meet up. All I get is a text ‘I’m travelling to Bega to meet up with Adam A. Hole from POFFY, come find me if I don’t return, this is the address’. Thanks, Aurora, what am I suppose to do or say ‘Hi, Police Officer, my friend is missing and this was her last text, travelling to Bega to meet Adam A. Hole whom she met on POFFY’.

Yes, I’m jealous of Aurora, not because she’s single and loves to mingle but because I got eHarmony and RSVP in my hour of ‘need’ and she got Tinder and POF in her hour of ‘need’ which resulted in Billy Bobhead satisfying that need. I hope when Aurora finally marries Adam A. hole and settles down, something better than POF and Tinder will be released so she can feel my pain.

Until then, I will continue to borrow Aurora’s phone and swipe left and right to set her up with people I like.

Penelope Peepaw